In 2019, driven by those same curiosities from my youth, I began graduate school to become a therapist. I also began my first course of treatment as a somatic therapy client. Both of these experiences were challenging initiations that brought me deep into my body and face to face with a lifetime of untended pain.
In the wake of my pain, I turned toward the largest body I could find to hold me: the Earth. The natural world gave me permission to breathe and soften. It gave me a place to tend to my wounds and put down all of my life’s shoulds: who I should be, how I should feel, what I should be doing. In doing so, I was able to create more space inside myself within which I could finally listen. Slowly, slowly I learned how to feel my feelings. And, of course, life didn’t stop happening— to me and for me. As my old pain re- surfaced, so did my most fierce protectors and habitual patterns.
In 2022, following my heart’s call, I spent two months alone in the Costa Rican jungle. This time was ripe with both inner and outer exploration. For the first time in my life, as I swam in the Caribbean Sea where my ancestors once swam, I felt that I truly belonged. I grieved deeply for my past, my younger selves, and for all of the ways I had been hurt, neglected, or abandoned- especially by myself. In a ceremony on the beach, I made a promise to myself: I may get lost, but I’ll always come back. I’ll always come home. I’ll always do my best to be here, for myself and with myself.
It is now 2026 and I am proud to say that, through my life’s changes and challenges, I have kept this promise.